The deck of many things is a ridiculous item with several cards that could end your campaign. This makes it unusable in most long running games, so I decided to write up a variation of the deck that won’t completely ruin your story. It is based around the Tarrokka deck so you can easily find the actual wizard’s product to use as a prop if you’re inclined.
H: The Artifact. You get a vorpal sword, and every bandit in the area knows you have this item.
H: The Beast. You become a lycanthrope.
H: The Broken One. Your constitution score is lowered by 2 and your base speed is reduced by 5 feet.
H: The Darklord. You lose your nose and become completely hairless. You also can now speak to snakes.
H: The Donjon. You and your allies are teleported to the bottom of a deadly dungeon or the top of a villain’s keep.
H: The Seer. You can ask the gods (the DM) 3 questions that they must answer truthfully.
H: The Ghost. An NPC the character killed raises as some kind of undead to hunt you down.
H: The Executioner. You only need to fail 2 death saves to die instead of 3.
H: The Horseman. You are proficient with land vehicles, and can cast find steed once per day.
H: The Innocent. You cannot be charmed or frightened and are immune to those conditions.
H: The Marionette. You can stand from prone on your turn without having to spend half your movement to do so. Your weight is also reduced to 3 lbs.
H: The Mists. You become incredibly nearsighted and cannot see anything more than 60 feet away. Any perception check made to see something more than 20 feet away is made with disadvantage.
H: The Raven. You can cast the find familiar spell once per day without material components. The familiar is always a raven.
H: The Tempter. Increase your charisma ability score by 2. The score can exceed 20 but can’t exceed 24.
SM: The Warrior. Increase your strength ability score by 2. The score can exceed 20 but can’t exceed 24.
S1: The Avenger. The offspring of an NPC you killed appears, proclaims their name loudly and the name of their father, and yells ‘prepare to die!’ before attacking you.
S2: The Paladin. Your hair becomes blonde, perfectly coifed, and always appears like its in a gentle breeze. It cannot be damaged or altered in any way except by means of the wish spell.
S3: The Soldier. Increase your constitution ability score by 2. The score can exceed 20 but can’t exceed 24.
S4: The Mercenary. Every time you strike the killing blow of a creature with at least 2 hp a silver piece gets dropped in your pocket.
S5: The Myrmidon. Your intelligence score is lowered by 2. However, your hit point maximum increases by an amount equal to twice your level. Whenever you gain a level thereafter, your hit point maximum increases by an additional 2 hit points.
S6: The Berserker. You gain the barbarian’s reckless attack class feature. If you are at half your hit points and attack with a weapon you must attack recklessly.
S7: The Hooded Man. An NPC you cherish forgot who you are.
S8: The Dictator. If you are given a direct order, you must succeed a DC 8 charisma saving throw or be compelled to do the action. You cannot be compelled to perform a suicidal act.
S9: The Torturer. If a creature is reduced to 0 hit points within your line of sight, you gain 5 temporary hit points.
CM: The Rogue. Increase your dexterity ability score by 2. The score can exceed 20 but can’t exceed 24.
C1: The Swashbucker. You gain the dueling fighting style if you didn’t already have it. You also get +2 to all initiative rolls.
C2: The Philanthropist. Every time you donate $5 in the real world to an actual charity your character is restored to full hit points or get an extra turn.
C3: The Trader. A random item on your person is replaced with a similar item but with a +1 greater enhancement bonus. However, the item is gaudier and is some loud obnoxious color.
C4: The Merchant. A regal merchant appears trying to trade you a rock for your soul. If you don’t accept the deal it transforms into a devil and attacks.
C5: The Guild Member. You gain proficiency in a pair of tools. You double your proficiency bonus when using them.
C6: The Beggar. A peasant appears demanding a job. He is willing to do any task asked of him in exchange for food and shelter.
C7: The Thief. The king’s crown is teleported to your hands. There is a bounty out for whoever took it.
C8: The Tax Collector. One magic item you and each of your allies possesses is taken and given to your enemy.
C9: The Miser. All items, magic and mundane, on your person turn to dust.
SM: The Wizard. Increase your intelligence ability score by 2. The score can exceed 20 but can’t exceed 24.
S1: The Transmuter. You are true polymorphed into a young red dragon. The effect ends if dispelled or if you are reduced to 0 hit points.
S2: The Diviner. You have a 10′ true sight. You have advantage on on saving throws against all illusion spells.
S3: The Enchanter. You can use the friends cantrip. Charisma is the spell casting ability for the spell.
S4: The Abjurer. You have a constant mage armor active on you. If dispelled it reactivates the next full moon.
S5: The Elementalist. You can change the damage type of any spell to fire. Creatures who are immune to fire damage take half damage from your spells, and creatures who are resistant take full damage.
S6: The Evoker. You can cast meteor swarm once within the next year. Wisdom is your spell casting ability for the spell.
S7: The Illusionist. Every humanoid NPC you see has the physical appearance of Robert De Niro with minor changes in hair and attire that differentiates them.
S8: The Necromancer. When you die you rise as a lich that wants to rule the world. A magic item on your person becomes your phylactery.
S9: The Conjurer. A terrible creature appears before you confused and ready to attack.
GM: The Priest. Increase your wisdom ability score by 2. The score can exceed 20 but can’t exceed 24.
G1: The Monk. You cannot be poisoned. You gain 5 temporary hit points after consuming a pint of beer.
G2: The Missionary. You gain proficiency in one weapon and one skill associated with your most hated god.
G3: The Healer. You gain the Lay on Hands paladin class feature.
G4: The Shepherd. You can add +1 to any d20 roll if you bah like a sheep (both in character and as a player). It cannot be used to aid in stealth rolls.
G5: The Druid. The nearest tree becomes an awakened tree and follows your orders.
G6:The Anarchist. All creatures within 20 feet of you must make a DC 15 dexterity saving throw or take 8d6 fire damage and catch on fire. Creatures that succeed the saving throw take half damage, but are still on fire. Creatures on fire take 2d6 fire damage at the beginning of their turn. A creature can use their action to make a dexterity saving throw to put themself or an adjacent creature out.
G7: The Charlatan. There is a band of doppelgänger’s masquerading as you and your companions.
G8: The Bishop. You are divinely excommunicated. Your HP cannot be healed magically.
G9: The Traitor. You can now gain inspiration every time you betray your friends for your own gain.